hi

hi there,
i almost sold my soul for a pita today.
i tired to write a poetry paper, i don't know what it came out like.
it took me a long time. a long time. i kept being so nervous about writing it, and i kept noticing how nervous i was about it, so the whole paper is about me noticing how nervous i am about writing it. you'd think this wouldn't work at all, i'm sure, and i guess i don't know know if it did or not. hopefully it did. it's very unique, i'll give it that. it's unique for a ''paper''. oh god. i hope it's what he wants. i write about that to. it's a shot in the dark and i write about that too. i just can't wait to hand it in and get it off my hands. that'll be a relief.

it's been awhile

Yes, been awhile since I've posted here. Since September, actually. And now -- guess waht -- classes are over. Not finals and final papers -- actually I just finished an 11 page paper today (and started it today, too. It maybe took five hours, I don't know. It doesn't usually take me too long, but I still have to edit it and all. It took me MANY more hours to think about it and think about writing it and not want to write it. My poetry class is over, of course, too, and I must say it ended up that I loved it and that you are not supposed to understand John Ashberry and that that's okay. I couldn't get it all through my thick head that you don't have to think the way you've been taught to think, that you've got unlearn things before you can learn them a new way. Ah, enlightened I am. Well, not so enlightened that I have any idea what to write for my poetry paper -- that is "poetry" paper, and not so enlightened that I could write a SINGLE piece of poetry all year. That class scared me, I think, into not wanting to write a poem in the "dominant." But I have to admit, I still like the dominant, the mainstream. Come on, the mainstream in poetry is not THAT mainstream. Actually, let me correct myself. I DO NOT like all mainstream, I like some main stream that has wit and sharpness and sting and a point. Like Clifton's blood, love that. Not like Franz Wright's capatlized God, although some of those I do like, and not poems where they just describe some object in a detailed way. Details bother me so much sometimes. When people say "it's all in the details" I don't think they mean it's all in describing everything, I think they mean (or should mean) that it's all about finding that perfect word and that the detail of one little word DOES make a difference, and the detail of changing the sentence structure or taking out this word or adding in that word, all that does make a difference.

I should print things with my new printer. I got a new printer, btw. It is awesome. I want to print something cool on it, but right now my favorite stock image web-site is down. Plooey. Flooey. Dooey. Rhooey.

I'm such a four and a half year old.

See, there's a detail -- "and a half" -- why is that importnat? Because it suggests I want you to know that I'm a little older than four, but it's funny because it actually doesn't matter if it's four or four and a half, the only people it does matter to are those that are actually four-something-year-olds because they always want to prove they are a little older than they actually are, and it's cute, but it actually makes them look young. Anyone who wants to stake out that extra one-half is someone who wants to prove she is old, and anyone who wants to prove she is old is actually young.

This is why I can write english papers. Because I say shit like that.

I saw RENT. It was awesome. Just awesome.

I wish I had enough works to make a book of poetry, mostly so I could put them in order and put a little cover on it and what-not. But I don't. Not enough that I like, anyway. Or that are good. Not enough that are good enough. Enough.

Plooey. Flooey. Dooey. Rhooey.

I'm listening to One Song Glory -- from RENT. Ah, rent... I have to pay rent. f u c k
f
u
c
k

I always feel so guilty whenever I use a cent. I'm like -- what? sell my soul for a nickle? sure thing! It's annoying. I know it's annoying. I talk about it all the time like I've lived in a poor house my entire life or something. We were never at poverty level, which is really low, but we were down somewhere at some point. I mean, so that it was tight.This is not a bad thing, it just is. But it's like selling point for me. "I am very creative, and I was never rich." Um, okay.
The guy in rent named Roger reminds me of Judas from Jesus Christ Superstar.

I want brownies, and I want to be stick thin. Ah, to have your cake and eat it too. That would be delightful.

My head has this little twinge to it of a headache, not much, but a little. And my throat hurts. I always used to write my throut hurts and my mom would ask me if my trout hurt, which obviously means nothing.

In daylights in sunsets in midnights in cups of coffee. 500,025,600 minutes.
okay, off I go, into the wild blue yonder of...


the evening.